To You and Yours


Do you ever feel like you see things differently to others around you? That what you told your partner the other day just didn’t land in the way you expected and they didn’t quite grasp what you meant? Ever looked at a priceless piece of art or sculpture and thought ‘Why?’

Is comparing yourself against others a common theme in your world? How is that working for you? Nowadays it’s all too easy to practice surfing social media and the likes of Imagine if such a site existed? http://www.comparethemecom. It doesn’t and yet it does. I assure you, it is everywhere.

You do know of course, I am sure you do, that every single person who is being human on this planet is utterly unique. You aren’t one in a million, you are actually one in approximately 7.6 billion and that stat changes every single millisecond our world exists.

Check out this world population clock: It will blow your mind as it did mine.

You and only you have your view through your own eyes, the thoughts running through your head and the feelings you are feeling right now in your body. We are all, every one of us, coming to the table with our own myriad of experiences, the very first one of which (our own birth), is not even identical for twins or multiple births because even they come out one after another.

So when I coach there’s no ‘one size fits all’ standardised or blanket approach. Imagine the blanket needed for 7.7 billion people. That’s a lot of sheep.  When you come to me with whatever you feel is your ‘problem’, it will be the first time I have seen your problem totally in the context of your life and the marvellous thing about that is that we can find solutions to your problem that fit in perfectly with your life.

I help you to reprogramme your inner workings and get below the surface structure of your behaviour, language and presented emotions. They are all yours and only yours, without compare. Oh and by the way, sheep are also individuals too, when they aren’t being cloned.

Adult Napping

So I had a client yesterday who I was discussing the Unconscious Mind with and how powerful an effect the influences you expose yourself to can have on it, (in a non flasher mac kind of way). Influences for example like: TV shows, films, radio programmes, reading material and naturally the people you spend time with.

Cut to this morning and I very gratefully woke up (kind of a consistent feeling now I am post-breast cancer), however I woke up especially thankful because I had been having a nightmare about my youngest daughter going missing, and the suspicion was that she had been taken by someone. Talk about horrendous!

The sheer terror at the what ifs? The feeling of gut wrenching loss, picturing her cheeky grin throughout all ages and her very definitive curly mop of copper curls (aka ‘Ginger cloud’). Imagining no more hugs with her, well, understandably, it crushed me.

It was grief, pure and simple.

The minute I awoke I called out for her and she came and laid down on the bed beside me whilst I gently sobbed with relief and hugged her so very tightly. Inbetween breaking off to talk with each other, we kept going back for more reassuring hugs until she revealed that by then her cornflakes would probably be very soggy waiting for her.

Dreams and nightmare plots are the creative work of your Unconscious Mind (‘UM’). You may or may not be under the illusion that this is the only time it puts on a show for you, by which I mean when you hand over control, as if it is the Assistant Director. Kind of a reverse ‘Lights, Camera Action!’ Where you have actually killed the lights, put your camera (phone) away and plan to take no action whatsoever until you wake up.

Plot spoiler alert – your UM is your um, well boss. You are the Assistant.

I mean you still get your own chair with your name on it and everything, in fact your name is on both chairs technically speaking and yet you only consciously sit in one at a time don’t you? Have you ever tried straddling two Director Chairs at the same time? Those wooden arm rests are a barrier to comfort! Besides which, your UM is always in that seat, calling the shots, just with the megaphone on mute. A megaphone up your backside would also be rather unpleasant. So side by side we sit.

You’ve fallen asleep in front of the TV or at the cinema right? It is a speciality of mine, much to the chagrin of my family.

Yet watching the screen, is like your director watching another director at work. It’s hypnotic and pretty effortless isn’t it? To hand over that responsibility to someone else is so appealing, so addictive, so all consuming. So stimulating yet also relaxing. In short, it puts you into a trance like state.

Lately my UM has been collaborating with Jason Bateman (JB) and Danny Boyle (DB).

Together we’ve created this mini drama that was aired behind my closed curtains last night.

If I missed ‘Trust’ which is the Getty Family Saga on BBC1 (DB) and stopped watching Netflix’s ‘Ozark’ then my UM’s partnership with JB and DB would end in theory; although it would take a while for my UM to collect its box of stuff off the two sets and it is likely I would occasionally pop back in every now and then. Because well, you know, I left on good terms and security won’t stop me at the gate.

Seeing as both of these dramas entail tales of danger to children’s lives, kidnapping and violence, likewise my UM is representing i.e RE-PRESENTING these themes in a context relevant to me and casting me and my daughter in major roles. Thanks UM but um… no thanks!

Seeing as I am now utterly engrossed in both programmes I am feeding my UM with these messages and as long as I continue to watch these themes, so my nightmares potentially will pervade. Oh the dilemma! I can make a conscious choice whether to switch on JB and DB’s gripping work, as long as I am conscious that unconsciously my UM will choose what to repress or present back to me.


Your UM doesn’t know the difference between a real or imagined experience. It will still respond on a mental and physiological level as if dealing with it there in the moment. Whilst you won’t necessarily jump off the sofa and run to hide when you see a frightening antagonist on the screen, you may well get so scared you choose to hide your face in the neck of your jumper or behind splayed fingers.

So, I’m off to binge on Grand Designs, TED Talks or comedy today as an antidote for my UM’s stress. After that, possibly Peppa Pig? I just have to hope that George is safe and well.

Have a good time, just watch what you watch.

Blog now linked!

Being awake at 4.30am has its bonuses. You get to see more of the day for one. And hear it too in fact, although that’s not necessarily a good thing. 

I think our neighbours may be on the verge of taking out a noise restraining order against our bird feeder.  Quite frankly I wouldn’t blame them!

Q. When do young starlings fly the nest?

Talk about anarchy at 6am. 

Anyway, birdgate aside, I have figured out how to link my thinkcoach blog to my Finding Chemo facebook page and I am pretty chuffed! Now I can write a blog all proper like 😉

Yesterday I felt pretty rubbish with a gurgling stomach plus hot and cold sweats. Today is a turnaround and I’m feeling full of pep! (Well as much as you can have whilst doing chemo). 

Lesson learned? Never eat another sprout again. 

Mind how you drive.

Yesterday a man was witnessed driving out of our local petrol station onto the wrong side of the road. He then continued his illegal course straight across the nearby roundabout! Luckily no one met him coming the opposite way at this junction, although who knows what happened when he disappeared out of sight. Hopefully he rectified his error quickly!


So why was he driving so irresponsibly?


Well staff at the station reported that he was a foreign businessman, the likes of whom we see a lot in this area due to the car giant Jaguar/Landrover having a site close by. This info is key & now you have it you understand don’t you? And you can relate in some way too? Have you ever driven somewhere & arrived without really remembering much about the journey? Like those times which I am sure you have experienced if you are a driver, this was not him consciously being an idiot – he was on automatic pilot & driving on his brain’s default side of the road which is habitually mapped out for a right lane bias (right, yet very wrong in the UK).


We can hypothesise that any number of factors could have increased the likelihood of this mistake occurring: Had he just arrived from abroad so he was still new to the UK road rules? Was he distracted by the thoughts of a meeting? Was he hungry? Or was he tired? Or a combination maybe?


The incident occurred about 3pm in the afternoon – notoriously the post-lunch-feel-rather-drowsy-time, when the biological circadian rhythm (body-clock cycle) slows down & usually we reach for an artificial stimulant like coffee to combat our natural instincts to nod off at our desks, or much worse… fall asleep at the wheel. Perhaps he had missed lunch & was experiencing very low blood sugar or had recently eaten a meal high in refined sugars & carbs which was causing his glucose levels to peak then trough? These & highly processed foods help contribute to feelings of fatigue, irritability, dizziness, poor concentration, forgetfulness & blurred vision (to name but a few symptoms).


Whereas it is highly unlikely he was physically asleep so soon after turning out of the petrol station, chances are that all of these factors played their part. When you are tired, you are less consciously able to make cognitive, clear-thinking decisions & so your brain will take over for you & resort to type. Our cars are places of familiarity & each time we get in them we reinforce the practices & usually end up going through the motions. You may have a manual gearbox but you drive more automatically than you even realise!


Driving can be a hypnotic experience at the best of times even if you are a native in your own country.  So what can you do?


Rest properly. Be as awake & alert as possible & make yourself as consciously aware as possible of the road & other users. If you start to feel tired, find somewhere to stop, If this is absolutely out of the question, help to kick start your conscious mind by saying out loud what you are seeing as you drive (try it!) It will go a long way to helping with road safety. Ensure your state of your mind & level of energy is optimised when you drive your car. Every time. You owe it to yourself & others.


This man wasn’t trying to think about driving. He is used to driving without really thinking. And he is not alone in this habit. Most of us drivers are the same. You can help change that today. Respect rest & drive consciously & enjoy happy, safe & legal travelling throughout life.